In a session today, we were talking about all that we try and get from the people in our lives…partners, kids, friends, family…and how often we are disappointed or don’t really get what we need or what we are looking for. The problem, it seems, is that they are also looking for something, and trying to get it from us, and they probably feel disappointed as well.
The conversation was about her partner and how cold he is, aloof and detached, a lot like her father. She lamented why she kept finding emotionally unavailable men and why was that her curse. We talked about this idea that there were all these emotionally available men over “there” and she just couldn’t get there and was stuck in the mud here with the cold fish.
Knowing her quite well, I pushed her a bit. Is it possible there is another way to look at this? Had her soul wanted her to work something out? Had this pattern, initiated with her father, about being unlovable, needed to get resolved? “Well, why would I pick men that can’t love me thus proving to myself I’m unlovable?” she asked. “How does that resolve anything?” “Well”, I said, “it’s a faulty premise and you consciously know that, you know you deserve love and you want to be loved. So why then would you put yourself in this conundrum” – “I wasn’t loved by my father and now I pick someone like my father so that I can heal that wound, but he is just like my father and can’t really love me, thus I remain trapped”. Continue reading